Why I Love My Job...

12 Tips From a Staff to a Senior/Manager on How to Enhance the Relationship

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.

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Top 10 Signs You Work in Public Accounting / Consulting:

10. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their process.

9. You get all excited it's Saturday so you can wear casual clothes to work.

8. You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.

7. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.

6. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.

5. You wear gray to work instead of navy blue to make a bold fashion statement.

4. You know the people at the airport and hotel better than your next door neighbors.

3. Ask your friends to "think out of the box" when making Friday night plans.

2. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.

1. You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.

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The Big 4 Firm Structure

MANAGING PARTNER

Leaps tall buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a locomotive

Is faster than a speeding bullet

Walks on water

Gives policy to God



PARTNER

Leaps short buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a switch engine

Is just as fast as a speeding bullet

Talks with God


PRINCIPAL

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds

Is almost as powerful as a switch engine

Is faster than a speeding BB

Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool

Talks with God if a special request is honored


SENIOR MANAGER

Barely clears a quonset hut

Loses tug of war with a locomotive

Can fire a speeding bullet

Swims well

Is occasionally addressed by God


MANAGER

Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings

Is run over by locomotives

Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury

Treads water

Talks to animals


SUPERVISING SENIOR

Climbs walls continually

Rides the rails

Plays Russian Roulette

Walks on thin ice

Prays a lot


SENIOR

Runs into buildings

Recognizes locomotives two out of three times

Is not issued ammunition

Can stay afloat with a life jacket

Talks to walls


STAFF

Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings

Says "Look at the choo-choo"

Wets himself with a water pistol

Plays in mud puddles

Mumbles to himself


ADMIN PERSONNEL

Lifts buildings and walks under them

Kicks locomotives off the tracks

Catches speeding bullets in their teeth and eats them

Freezes water with a single glance

She/he is God.

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TOP TEN REASONS PROSTITUTION IS BETTER THAN THE JOB OF AN ACCOUNTANT

10) You get to choose your clients.

9) Hotel, etc. expenses are directly billed.

8) You actually receive that high hourly rate clients are paying for you.

7) No dress code.

6) Close client interaction at all times.

5) You are working nights anyway.

4) Finally a way to fit exercise into a tight schedule.

3) Continual feedback - every two hours or so.

2) Not tied down working with a team (unless you want to be).

1) Either way you are still getting screwed.